I usually love to pack. Packing means an exciting vacation or a weekend getaway to the cabin. My suitcase is typically filled with carefully picked items like bikini tops, old soccer shorts and mysterious Dasani bottles of vodka water. But this time around I am packing to leave the country (LOL no worries, just heading up to Canada) for two years. And while I cannot wait to live near the mountains and by the ocean and say things like “WUD UP WEST COAST,” I cannot seem to muster up the energy to tear apart my room and my life and pack it all in my itty-bitty trunk. I am thrilled, I really am. But you know when something makes you feel sappy and sentimental and you would rather not feel those feelings so instead you just make up your own delusional reality and drink hot chocolate in the middle of August and watch The Big Bang Theory and butcher a blog? Yeah, it’s one of those times.
Before any of you get too excited, which I’m not sure why you would, but in case you are!!!! Just wait. This one is about complaining. In my young 22 years of living I have noticed that girls form bonds. But what is most interesting, and somewhat terrifying, is what they bond over. It’s mostly absolutely nothing except for things they don’t enjoy. A conversation with a girl or groups of girls can literally be a compilation of complaints, one on top of another. “I hate my hair, it’s so messy.” “Oh my gosh, same and I am so tired.” “Ugh, me too, I don’t want to study at all.” “Me either and I really just want to eat ice cream but I shouldn’t cause I like never work out.” Conversations pretty much go like that. And if you start to notice it, it’s hilarious. But before you readers jump into a conversation of complaining in order to bond, I thought I’d share with you some general complaints that people can relate to you with.
Behold, here’s my very own compilation of complaints. Maybe by posting this I’ll create some girl bonds as well.
Hate: When you are trying to be normal and hygienic, so you wash your comforter and bed sheets only to forget them in the washer until late at night. Then you’re forced sleep with other normal and hygienic things like your winter coat or a towel or two.
Dislike/it’s embarrassing: When you’re running late to work but you are so hungry so you do things like shove two peanut butter sandwiches in your mouth at once during the car ride there and then you finally look in the mirror after hours of working only to find dried up peanut butter around your lips!! COOL. Where were all the humane people at during that fatality? People must just assume it is a classic case of crusty lips or a growth or something. Ugh, either way, help each other out people.
Hate: After posting a blog about finding a sandwich in your pocket and spending weeks justifying to people that it was only one time and that it will never happen again and then you find one that’s been hiding in the depths of your purse for who even knows how long.
Oh, I really hate this: I hate being indecisive about what to say. When I speak I have a million other thoughts fighting for their way down my brain and out of my mouth. Sometimes I can’t stop them before they seek their way out. I was waitressing and there was this woman with luscious, blonde, blissful waves of hair. Questions invaded my mind like, “Is your hair real?” “Are you rich, or wait are you famous? Both?” “How hot is your husband?” “Is your head really hot under all that flow?” But instead, I was like maybe I’ll just compliment her. Mid compliment I realized this human probably doesn’t want to know that her waitress is drooling on her head so, “I love your hair,” inappropriately faded into “I love you…” She looked at me and I looked at her with eyeballs as big and open as Oprah’s heart. Quickly, I moped away to go grab her that glass of chardonnay. I hate verbal fumbles like that.
Haha but still hate: “Umbrella” by Rihanna is just such a modern day classic. It’s impossible not to belt out to. One time on my way to work I was trying to hit that high note, that really high note, you know the, “SO GO AND LET THE RAIN POUR. I’LL BE ALL YOU NEED AND MOOOOOOOOORE.” That one. I started choking singing the more part and had to pull over before I got into an accident. So, I guess I hate not being Rihanna?
So there you go folks, a perfectly ample list of complaints that will surely make you friends. Can’t wait to hear your love stories, but for now I am way too tired for this and need to text the group message about how much I dread packing. Farewell and happy complaining!